Identity crisis

My adventure begins 27 Feb when I check my email and see "Your Federal Return Has Been Rejected" "Your State Return Has Been Rejected".
My first thought is wtf. So I head over to turbotax, log in, check the error code, and follow their instructions for "fixing" them. I did not notice any discrepancies regarding my ssn, which is what the code was for. So I resend them. Almost immediately I get another email, same error code. I head back to turbotax and investigate further. Apparently this code happens when someone else uses the same ssn, on another tax return, during the same year. It can be as simple as someone mistyping their number, and end up using mine, when they file. So I call the IRS identity theft hotline, as instructed by turbotax, and find out it means I must now paper file mine, with the Identity Theft Affidavit form 14039, plus proof that I am who I say I am. If I am really lucky it will end there. (and of course I am expecting a refund, from both State and Federal, go figure)

So I download their form, fill it out, and prepare to print it. Next thing I know the printer has an error. Since the printer sits on the top shelf of the desk, and I am too short to see up there, I grab the nearest item to stand on, an empty box. Not the smartest move, but by then "smart" had left the building, and "frustration" had taken over. The box flips on its side, I crash shoulder first, into the corner of the gun safe, then twist my hip coming down, almost slamming headfirst into the side of the desk. I hear glass breaking, and stuff falling over, but my first thought once everything settles is...........dayemit what next! I let "smart" take over, and go get my step-stool, read the error code, which says remove back panel of printer and clear out all paper. There is a back panel on that thing? Who knew?! I try to find this mysterious back panel, but the only thing removable back there is the paper roller, so I yank that out.... no paper. Okayyyyyyyy then, slap that sumbiotch back in, flip the printer back around, and reboot it. Error message gone. Woooohooooooo! Get back off the step-stool, bring up the form I need to print, send it to the printer and 2 seconds later I see my two pages. Two BLANK pages. I am out of ink. ^@(*#)@!*)#_  By now my patience is gone, my body is screaming for advil, and I have to work the next two days, so no ink until Sunday.
(By then the bruises should be turning real pretty colors.)

I swear to all the gods above, if this is anything more then a simple typo, by some moron who can't double check their work...... I won't have enough "get out of jail free cards", and will require bail money by the time I am done.