Thursday, November 13, 2014

Stress Tests, who needs them

After receiving a rather high number on my heart calcium scoring test, my Doctor, in her infinite wisdom, decided I need a stress test. (I knew there was a reason I avoided that profession) So I made the appointment for this Friday morning, bright and early 7am.

The Rules:
1. No caffeine for 24 hours before. (I think they forgot I have caffeine running through my veins, instead of blood.)
2. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight, including any medication. (so no advil to counter the caffeine withdrawal migraine I will get)

I question the wisdom of telling someone no caffeine, as that in and of itself, will stress a person out. Add in that I work the night before, 6pm-6am. and have to deal with total idiots for 12 hours right before this test, without killing any of them. (Can you feel the stress level rising already? I can)

Once there they will run a base scan, then they have you exercise to the point of exhaustion (that should take all of five minutes, specially with my breathing being messed up lately), then take another scan. (That is if you don't croak in the meantime) They tell me the whole process will take 3-4 hours if all goes well (WTF!). Darling, I can tell you right now, if I make it up to, and through that test, without going homicidal, it went well. Never mind how the heart turns out, my sole goal is to stay out of jail at that point. My internal sleep clock states if I'm not tucked in by 11am it will revolt, I will get sick. If this thing takes the full 4 hours, I'm screwed. I then have to try and drive 30 miles home, in direct sunlight. I'm a night-worker ffs, the Moon is my sun! (To any of my LEO buddies out there, please be heading in the South bound lanes, Thanks)

So if y'all don't hear from me by Saturday, either send flowers, or bail money.